So, I survived the Molecular Basis of Health and Disease block as of today! Albeit a small milestone, I'm still really happy to be done for a few hours before physiology starts up tomorrow and to have proved to myself that I can adjust to the changing test format and schedule. I will admit though, I'm quite tired... But, thank you to all of you who wished me good luck or congratulated me. It sounds silly, but it really means a lot to me. The small things always do.
Anywhozzle, that's about as much of an update as you're going to get because as I have mentioned my personal life is about as exciting as watching ice melt. I did find a bar that carries Peg Leg this weekend though (we were studying...I promise...after we watched football). Other than that....I got nothin.
The post that I'm writing today is more philosophical in nature so for those of you who are just here for the updates and don't care about reading whatever crazy things my brain pumps out, this is your cue to stop reading.
Lately, I can't help but notice how stupidly happy I am. Moreso than at any other period in my life, I've found myself counting my blessings and and finding out how lucky I've really been.
It's funny, because my grandfather and father have coined the phrase "happiness is a choice." My yoga and meditation experiences have revolved around the same underlying message of being thankful for what you can do and building positive energy. It hasn't really been until lately, though, that I've truly understood how powerful and true of a statement it is.
"Happiness is a choice" is a phrase that was drilled into my brain at a young age and I saw it first hand when my Granddad had a stroke when I was in the third grade. It was a freak, 1 in a million chance thing, his stroke. Doctors maybe gave him one to two years to live and told him he would never walk again...obviously, they underestimated my grandfather, who lived 9 more years and was able to walk up and down the stairs with the assistance of my father and a cane. His triumph over his physical illness wasn't what was the most amazing to me though: the man that threw a football around, shot basketball, and played tag with my cousin, sister, and I was wheelchair bound and didn't have one bad thing to say. He never complained. He never blamed anyone else for his condition. He was a living example of his own phrase, each and every day, up until the day that he died.
That is perhaps the first thing I consider myself blessed for: having excellent role models who taught me to count my blessings. I'm not sure how many of you have heard of Acts of Faith by Eboo Patel, if you haven't...it's worth the read. However, Eboo's main point is that the way an individual turns out depends on who has taught them, and what they have been taught by the people that have influenced them most. I can't place enough emphasis on how lucky I am to have been taught hard work, empathy, selflessness, kindness, tolerance, having an open mind, and most importantly: love. I find that these are all components of my own happiness--the more I practice love, the harder I work, and the more I open myself to the world of possibilities...the happier I am.
Basically, I can have a really shitty day or have something really shitty done to me. It's okay that I get mad, upset, frustrated...but what's important is that at the end of the day, I come back to counting all of the great things, great people, and great friends that I have--that I focus on the good that I can do for other people, not just worrying about myself. Life goes on, go on with it. In my 22 years, I've found that the wall that I felt like I just ran into had a doorknob that I didn't see because I was too busy being pissed off at the world to look for it. Turn it.
This brings me to point two: When you realize that YOU don't matter, and that you owe the world instead of it owing you...that's when you'll be happy. That's a favorite of Dad's as well. I always appreciated the phrase, but I didn't really "get it" until I was mid-meditation one night and it finally clicked. You can stress over how people perceive you, if you're well liked, whatever. You can be preoccupied with all of the things that are entirely beyond your control and in the end not move an inch. Between meditation, yoga, and this phrase, I've come up with the ultimate conclusion. Hell no, I don't matter. I'm never going to be able to control how people think about me, I'm never going to be able to control what they say or do. That's okay, I don't want to. It's not social status, it's not what other people want you to be. It's about realizing that that shit doesn't matter anyway and it's not anything that you should waste your time on because it will never make you happy. It's out of your control. Let it be.
When you let go of this overwhelming pressure to fit in, to be whoever society or who people want you to be because you realize that YOU don't matter (aka, your "reputation," I guess for lack of a better word), it's so much easier to just be yourself. The things that do matter: doing the right thing, doing for others, and doing the best that you can for this world...whatever that is. The more you focus on those things instead of how the world perceives you (because oh honey there's always gonna be someone that doesn't like you for who knows what reason)--it's amazing how much better you feel and how much easier it is to love yourself for all of the wonderful things you can do.
I've found that sharing love is the fertilizer for love itself and that the only person stopping you from growing a garden is yourself. Negativity, wishing ill on those who wish ill on you is toxic to that garden. Once again, you can't control them. Let it go. Don't harbor your own poison.
I guess, lastly, I'm so lucky to have people that make me better and help me grow each and every day. You know who you are. I'm thankful for the people that have knocked me down, just because you've shown me how to get up with 10x the strength as before-you're part of the reason that I'm sitting here writing this right now. I'm lucky to have gone to an undergrad institution that taught me to be an independent thinker and gave me the best education I could have ever asked for, and I'm thankful to be part of such an amazing institution as VCU. Hell, I'm even thankful for being in the city because I know when I see those blue ridge mountains this weekend it's going to take my breath away. I'm thankful, to just be sitting here, breathing and thinking...to grow up in a time where I can make a difference and to take the world by storm.
The world isn't going to create conditions for your happiness. You have to create them.
-Marguerite
No comments:
Post a Comment