Here are my routine updates:
One: ONE MORE BLOCK AND THEN I'M DONE ONE WITH BEING AN MS1!! ...and five more exams, no big deal.
Two: Have officially been to the midwest and got to see Kate! And part of a ND football game
Three: I'm more exhausted than ever
Today, I want to talk about some uncomfortable things. I'm assuming that most of you have seen the article that the Rolling Stone wrote about UVA. And, hopefully, were just as horrified by it as I was....
As a young woman, I can tell you that there are aspects of our culture that really suck for us. Maybe, first of all is my favorite: If I decide to have a random hook up with you, automatically I'm a slut/easy. If I tell you I'm not interested in hooking up with you, suddenly I'm a prude. If I want to protect myself, I should be careful about being on the pill because "then I won't care and it will just be okay for me to have sex whenever I want" circling back to the slut/easy comment. (Even though birth control is a legitimate treatment for people who have really bad periods, PMDD, and acne...and who cares if she's on the pill anyway, it's not anyone's business but her own)
Obviously, not all men/(people) are this way, but when half of today's popular songs are about how if I'm flirting with you, apparently I want my "ass split in two" it emphasizes a cultural problem. I've dealt with more than one pathetic guy who I told -- no thank you, I'm not interested, and because I didn't want to hook up with them THEY MADE ME FEEL BAD. They guilt tripped me because no, I didn't want to go home with them and I didn't care that they just bought me a drink at the bar, because you assholes, I didn't even ask for one (I've talked to more than one guy who says that if you let a guy buy you a drink, they think it's a ticket into your pants...sick). My other favorite thing is--"well you were dressed like you wanted to go home with someone." No. No no. Most of the time, I do it for myself. I'm not trying to go home with anyone, I just wanted to look nice. Maybe I just had a really rough week, or the guy I was into isn't into me anymore and I need to just let loose. Trust me, honey, it had nothing to do with me wanting to go home with you, and if it did I would.
You know what happens when a guy I'm interested in doesn't want to hook up with me? "Aww, man." That's it. That's the end of it. No, "what are you, a lesbian now?" or, when I was about to vomit, "that's not why you don't want to hook up with me, you're faking it" (Because yes, these are legitimately things that have been said to me because I said no, those of you who are more intimate with me know of other horrifying things as well).
It's sickening. Absolutely sickening. If I'm telling you no, or any other girl for that matter is telling you no, I'm not playing a damn game with you. I'm telling you no, and you should back up. And, with the poor girl in the article....I just cannot imagine the sick, sick guys that enjoyed stripping her of her pride and traumatizing her probably for what will be the rest of her life (though it seems that she is recovering, and my heart is certainly with her...however, you don't just forget things like that).
The saddest part to me of that entire article were her friends who refused to get her help because they were too concerned about their own social status. It's hard enough for a victim to cope with what has happened, because the survivor has her (or his) own burden of proving herself innocent...of convincing herself (or himself...don't wanna exclude anyone, I know it goes both ways) that there wasn't anything that they could've done to prevent it, that she(he) truly is a victim and that it isn't her(his) fault. To not have the support of your friends after such a traumatizing incident has to be just as traumatizing as the event itself, because it causes that questioning to go even deeper.
Rape doesn't have to be in an alleyway with a knife to your throat, in fact, it happens frequently with people that the victim DOES know. There may or may not be physical violence or drugs...there may only be words and psychological torment when the victim tries to say no. It doesn't discredit what happened if there wasn't violence or if it was with someone you happen to know. It. Is. Legitimate. And if it has happened to anyone reading this, please talk to someone. You aren't alone.
I mostly just find it sad that it's 2014 and I still run into guys who view women as objects. I'm sure there are women that do the same, I just don't know about them specifically, I don't want to leave anyone out. If someone tells you no, don't push it. Let it be. Please, respect their decision. Also, stop the victim shaming. No one, no matter what they're wearing or doing, is asking to be dehumanized by having their power to say no taken away from them, I promise. And it's just stupid anyways, because what about the victims of other crimes? No robber gets off because the victim shouldn't have been walking down that street at that time of night. Give. It. A. Rest.
I'm not sure how to get our culture to change, but I know that respect is a good place to start. Period.
The saddest part to me of that entire article were her friends who refused to get her help because they were too concerned about their own social status. It's hard enough for a victim to cope with what has happened, because the survivor has her (or his) own burden of proving herself innocent...of convincing herself (or himself...don't wanna exclude anyone, I know it goes both ways) that there wasn't anything that they could've done to prevent it, that she(he) truly is a victim and that it isn't her(his) fault. To not have the support of your friends after such a traumatizing incident has to be just as traumatizing as the event itself, because it causes that questioning to go even deeper.
Rape doesn't have to be in an alleyway with a knife to your throat, in fact, it happens frequently with people that the victim DOES know. There may or may not be physical violence or drugs...there may only be words and psychological torment when the victim tries to say no. It doesn't discredit what happened if there wasn't violence or if it was with someone you happen to know. It. Is. Legitimate. And if it has happened to anyone reading this, please talk to someone. You aren't alone.
I mostly just find it sad that it's 2014 and I still run into guys who view women as objects. I'm sure there are women that do the same, I just don't know about them specifically, I don't want to leave anyone out. If someone tells you no, don't push it. Let it be. Please, respect their decision. Also, stop the victim shaming. No one, no matter what they're wearing or doing, is asking to be dehumanized by having their power to say no taken away from them, I promise. And it's just stupid anyways, because what about the victims of other crimes? No robber gets off because the victim shouldn't have been walking down that street at that time of night. Give. It. A. Rest.
I'm not sure how to get our culture to change, but I know that respect is a good place to start. Period.
